


the ways in which forever...

by Oaklin



Series: Forever Everything [69]
Category: Professional Wrestling, Ring of Honor, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: (there are more characters but they are spoilers), Angst, Beige Prose, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Possessiveness, Purple Prose, Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, aggressive affection, also i don't really want to tag them, obligatory Kevin Steen warning, stealth angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 11:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12431631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oaklin/pseuds/Oaklin
Summary: Snippets of Sami's life, through the lens of Forever...





	the ways in which forever...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> Well hell. So, I am exceedingly emotional about Zowens right now, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. That being the case, please bear with this ridiculous melodrama. This is basically Forever from the Other Side of Fear: Sami addition. It takes place over their entire career, and it goes to some dark places. I guess this is basically me throwing my theories into the pot? At least about Sami's mindset going into this whole mess. Plus, I wanted to get my angst on ;)
> 
> Just so you know, a lot of this is really mushed together. Sami has a weird thought process, and Generico gets in on the action, so stuff gets jumbled. One section does not necessarily only cover one event, or one train of thought. Some of this is akin to the whole water-throwing scene in the Pitfalls of Forever, all broken up and fragmented by Sami's confused uncertainty.
> 
> Fair warning, I am really sorry for '...crumbles beneath your feet…' and '...takes you apart…'. They are... unnecessarily sad, and way more heartbreaking than I intended. This whole angle is really making me dig into the angst, and I was really feeling it for this. I'd pack the tissues for those, because they made me bawl like a little bitch.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

...drags you in…

 

Sami blinks at the guy in front of him, slightly thrown by the arrogance and the dark eyes that track Sami’s every movement, like the man across from him is trying to commit him to memory, for some unfathomable reason. Sami contemplates backing up a step, away from the intensity staring him down, unnerved slightly by the laser focus and darkness in those (admittedly, _very_ pretty) dark eyes.

The impulse to skitter away is tempered though, by an even stronger (and completely inexplicable) desire to move even closer than he already is. Sami can feel it, like it is a palpable thing, right there in the room with them, hanging over their heads. Whether it is the proverbial Sword of Damocles or some sort of gut instinct reaction to someone who will one day be a big part of his life, he is unsure.

Sami is sure, very abruptly, (and very acutely) that he is _very_ , **very** , _**very** _ weird for even **thinking** that. Like, seriously, who thinks about a complete stranger in those terms?

‘someone who will one day be a big part of his life’

What the hell.

Shaking his head, Sami does indeed give in to the stronger impulse, scooting forward and smiling at the clearly unamused man in front of him, the air around them seeming to sparkle to life as they bicker like they have been having this conversation for years.

Which is honestly what it feels like, and Sami doesn’t know what he is supposed to do with that revelation.

This one chat, before a match he hadn’t even been planning to participate in, is making his whole freaking world feel like it is tilting at an angle. At the same time, it all feels perfect and complete and so goddamn **_Right_ ** that Sami is left bereft of a game plan of any sort, confused by his own reactions to this scenario and lost as to what exactly he is supposed to be doing to get his thoughts back on something other than dark eyes and biting snark.

-Is this what meeting your soulmate feels like?-

The question is just about enough to have Sami reeling backwards, aways from the bristly man he keeps having very inappropriate thoughts about. Sami stays where he is though, and tries to shake the ridiculous notion off even as the feeling settles like a lead weight in his gut, simultaneously slotting an integral piece of the puzzle that is Sami’s world into place, and seemingly rocking his very foundations to the core, sending him reeling and panicking and smiling like an idiot for the rest of their day together.

Sami only hopes that it is the first of many.

* * *

 

...makes you _**feel**_ …

 

The life that they lead leaves little time for side activities like this, but Sami will forever be thankful that in this instance, they found the time for this one heartbeat of peerless joy. He wraps his hands around the barricade and leans over, screaming out at the spectacle in front of him, breathless at the joy and reverence he feels for the sport that he loves so much. Kevin stiffens when Sami snatches up his arm, and Sami is so excited that he barely notices.

“This is amazing! You are amazing! Thank you for buying those tickets! I love this!” Sami crows, snuggling against his dear friend, smiling brightly at him. Kevin smiles back, one of those _real_ ones that Kevin lets the world see every once and awhile.

It makes Sami’s heart skip a beat.

Before he can say anything too stupid, he drags them as close as they can get to the barricades, leaning over excitedly as Matt’s music hits.

“God, I just want them to be happy!”

* * *

 

_...makes life worth living… _

 

“Owen,” Kevin says instantly, carefully placing the small, warm bundle into Sami’s arms. Sami’s eye widen as he gazes down at…

(Kevin’s _child_ )

(Kevin’s **son** )

Sami’s **_world_**.

Sami has just enough wherewithal to pull his head back, so that his tears don’t streak down his face and disturb the most precious person in his life.

The most precious person in the world.

He looks up, smiling tearfully over at an exhausted, resplendent Karina. She smiles back at him, her sleepy eyes half lidded even as she gazes steadily back to her little miracle. Sami turns his joy to Kevin, who is so luminous and puffy-eyed and clearly full to bursting with desperate, reverent wonder that he can barely stand to contain himself. The three people in the room right now with Sami, are all at once so overwhelming and _perfect_ , that Sami is momentarily left nothing but a blubbering mess, leaning down to brush unsteady fingers across the dark wisps of fuzz on Owen’s little head.

**Perfect.**

They are all _perfect_ and **wonderful** and **_he loves them so fucking much_** that it physically and mentally and emotionally **_hurts_** him to even be here, with all of them and their unending beauty.

Sami can’t think of anywhere he would rather be.

-Belong here-

-with them-

Home.

Sami shuffles over to the bed, careful not to touch Karina, until she tiredly rolls her eyes and yanks him down on the bed with more strength than he would have, if he had just performed such a feat of endurance. He settles on the bed, tucking tiny Owen between himself and Karina, her smile as Kevin comes over to them, (following closely in Sami’s wake, unwilling to be far from his new family member) making Sami’s heart ache.

Kevin pulls the bedside chair as close as it will come, placing one hand against Sami’s rib cage and the other around Karina’s shoulder. Owen shifts and then opens his little mouth, yawning silently, his tiny legs kicking briefly in the confines of his blanket. Kevin makes a sound, deep in his throat, something like fear-tinged elation, leaning forward and burying his face against his newborn son, tucking himself into the space where all of their bodies meet, the warmth and the Forever of the moment making Sami’s tears come anew.

He’d cry for _them_ forever. This is where he wants to be, **always**. Right here, with his _**family**_.

* * *

 

**...crumbles beneath your feet… **

 

There is something wrong, and they both know it. Everyone knows it. The fans, the management, the other wrestlers. Sami gets sort of self conscious about it sometimes, though he is not sure exactly why. It’s just the fact that he feels like everyone can see that Kevin is Sami's whole universe, and that that universe is clearly on the precipice of…

...something.

Sami honestly could not tell you precisely what Kevin is on the edge of.

(losing it would be the usual answer)

But that is sort of the point. This is not usual. The problem lies in the fact that this is indeed Very Unusual. Kevin is acting so morose, and sluggish, and he is so _tired_ all the time. Sami does not know what to do, Kevin won’t let him help, or even tell him what is wrong. All he does when Sami asks, is get this weird, forlorn look on his face, and gaze at Sami like the world's ending.

It kind of does feel like the world is ending.

Their world, rather.

Sami’s whole reason for-

-everything?-

(wait)

**-Coward-**

So maybe Sami gets Scared too. He knows Kevin is Scared (Sami is not stupid. He can see) and he knows that Kevin doesn’t communicate his vulnerabilities very well. But these things are a two way street, and it’s not like Sami speaks up either. He just lets it build, and build, and build. They both stand idly by and let the resentment and fear and silence linger. It festers, like a horrible infection-

-a disease, if you will-

Until they are standing in the ring, surrounded by sorrowful fans, screaming for Kevin, crying for Kevin.

Missing him already, before he has even left the ring.

Generico tells him the truth, as Kevin braces himself to leave the ring, the arena, the wrestling world, perhaps forever. Generico just opens his mouth, and says what he should have said many years ago. What Kevin deserved to hear, but what Sami was too Afraid to say.

El Generico is not Afraid.

Kevin might be leaving, retiring, going home, but Generico will tell him this One Truth, the Truest Truth that he knows, and in the process, they will be _bound together_ , through all of their life, tied by this one string of the **purest joy** that El Generico has ever known.

Kevin is leaving, and a piece of Generico will go with him.

He will never leave El Generico’s thoughts, heart or soul.

They will be together Forever.

Kevin makes sure of that.

With steel.

And blood.

And pain.

* * *

 

**_...takes you apart… _ **

 

‘Finally’ is the first thing he thinks, when he sees the man who haunts his dreams walking down the ramp towards him.

‘Home’ is the first thought in Sami's head when he feels _**those arms**_ wrap around him again, for the first time in what feels like a _lifetime_.

His heart fills with joy, in the moment, as they just stand there and cry, holding onto each other like there isn’t another person in the whole world. They just cling, and sob, and thankfully everyone else is kind enough to wait on them as they temporarily get caught up in the emotions and forget that there are co-workers in the ring and an audience in the arena, waiting on them to get it out of their system.

Sami is not sure if he can do that or not. He is so singularly focused, for one heart stopping moment, on his other half-

(the half that makes it all worth it)

(the half that he has ached for, for so long)

-The half that left you for de-

-that he is honestly unsure if he will ever be able to pull himself out of this moment. If he will ever be able to let this go again.

It has been So Long, and he has hurt **so much**.

Sami could swear, he just wants _this_. Even if he never, ever, gets anything else ever again, then he will be more than happy with the trade.

Just let it  **last** this time.

**_Please._ **

‘Missed you’ is what Sami whispers, soft and painful and full of choked sobs and tattered self control.

Kevin doesn’t say anything back, just closes his eyes against all that they regained, and buries his face in Sami’s shoulder, the dampness of his tears unfelt amongst the sweat still adorning Sami’s body.

‘I love you’ is what Sami gasps, perched on the apron and full of unbridled jubilation, his forehead pressed to Kevin’s, their breathing synchronized as they unsteadily exit the ring.

‘Forever’ is what Kevin snarls at him, as Sami sits atop his shoulders, in the barest of heartbeats before Kevin is sending Sami crashing against the apron, agony radiating through him like his skin is alight with the act of betrayal he should have seen coming.

* * *

 

~~...costs you everything. ~~

 

He can’t.

But Shane is up there, and poised, and Sami came out here to-

He cannot.

Sami can’t watch this. He realized that long ago, but it is worse this time. He has _nothing_. No one. Kevin is the only One who ever-

He just wants it **back.**

He should.

This is a bad idea. Someone in the crowd screams at him, begs him to stop, and he almost does. He almost listens. He would have… back then. When he had more sense than he does now. Once, long ago, in another lifetime, that one fan would have been enough to stay him, to make him walk away. Well, perhaps not for This Person, but the audience has a knack for making Sami consider his reckless abandon, at the very least.

So.

Sami very nearly just turns around and walks away, leaving Kevin to deal with his own mess.

 _Almost_ is not always Good Enough, though.

Not that Kevin deserves such devotion.

(it would serve him right)

Kevin would deserve it. He would. The things he has done, the way he has made Sami feel...

But he can’t.

Kevin is all that Sami has left. Kevin is what Sami has always wanted (and perhaps what he has always **_needed_** , but that is highly debatable). Sami might not be enough to be champion, enough for the management to take seriously, enough for the masses to flock to buy tickets, but if Sami knows one thing, in this entire world, no matter what sorts of horrible things Kevin does or says to him…

Sami is _enough_ for Kevin. And Kevin will **always** be Everything that Sami **_wants._**

So. He just _can’t_

So he _**doesn’t**_.

It feels Worse than he thought it would.

Is this what losing your soul feels like?

**Author's Note:**

> ...believe it or not, what Generico says to Kevin in '...crumbles beneath your feet…' and what Sami says to Kevin in '...takes you apart…' was always the plan. I'm sort of sorry? But then also not. Because I love me some melodramatic angst whump, and I am a horrible person who likes to inflict pain on myself. In the very beginning of the series, before I had even posted anything, those were the two times that I was sure, 9001%, that that was exactly what I wanted to happen, in those two events. Worry not, I will probably go more into detail on all of that at a later date. Gotta get there first.
> 
> I was mildly uncomfortable about bringing Kevin's irl family into this, but I felt that it would be really weird if I left them out, given the theme of Sami's emotional connection to Kevin. That being said, as far as I know, Kevin may or may not still be suffering from assholes harassing his family (and this is the internet, so of course he is) so don't expect too much with his family in it. It geeks me out to write about them when I know that they have to deal with enough weirdos being jackasses @ them on a daily basis when they aren't even really interested in the spotlight. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked it and have a good week!


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